The Hard Days
Life with a newborn is many things. Most days are great and filled with cuddles and diaper changes and laundry. So that might not sound all that great, but you get into a routine, and you learn to love it. Every now and then, though, life throws you a curve ball and something gets screwed up. It might be the baby's eating or sleeping or health. All of the sudden, the routine you had just settled into vanishes and you feel trapped. Trapped in the long hours that lie ahead. Long hours full of questions and worry and wonder and very little sleep. Fortunately, at the two month mark, I have only experienced a handful of these days. Although they are few, they have definitely left a lasting impression.
One of these hard days came at week 5. We were in our routine and loving life. Decker had started being a little fussy in the evenings from gas pain. I thought part of the problem may be how he was eating. Nursing with a shield makes it really easy for the baby to come on and off. He was doing that a lot and sucking down extra air each time. Several moms I know had transitioned their babies off the shield after a few weeks, so I thought we could give that another try. (We tried at week 2 but were unsuccessful.) With a few more weeks under our belt, I thought he may be big enough to try it again.
In the beginning, things went relatively well. He was latching on his own with very little frustration and crying. He was also not coming off, which was great. I had a little bit of discomfort, but I figured that was normal while my body adjusted to things. Fast forward 24 hours, and I was in a lot of pain. Eight feedings later, I was counting down the minutes from start to finish and holding back tears. This definitely wasn't normal. After Googling it (what did new moms do before the internet!), I decided it was best to go back to the shield before things got any worse. (I will spare you the details.)
When we went back to the shield, though, our usual 20 to 30 minute sessions had now changed to a minimum of 40 minutes...sometimes 50. That may not sound like a big difference but when the baby feeds every two to three hours, that is a huge change! I now only had an hour or two (if I was lucky) for everything else.
I was discouraged because I thought we were moving forward and instead we seemed to be going in an entirely different direction. Was he getting enough? Had the shield taught him bad habits that would be impossible to break? Would my supply keep up if we can never transition? When am I supposed to do anything else but nurse this child?! All of those questions swirled around in my head over and over. Little things would happen, and I would think I had an answer. Then an hour or two later something would contradict that, and I would start questioning things all over again. It's a vicious cycle that truly never ends because 99.9% of the time there is no answer, and you just have to ride the waves.
I am blessed to have a great support system. Sisters and girlfriends I can text or call when I have questions or just need to vent. Even so, the hard days are difficult to get through. Stacy came down to watch Decker for an hour or so, so I could get a pedicure that week. I was feeling great after that! The time away had been rejuvenating. As I walked back to my car, though, I felt a sore, hard spot on my right side. I discribed it to Stacy, and she said it was likely a clogged duct. Sure enough, she was right. Cue the questions and worry all over again. Luckily it was short-lived...if there is such a thing in this alternate universe!
But even on the hard days, there are moments of joy. And how could there not be with this beautiful face staring back up at you? We will get this figured out together, Decker Gene. One way or another, we will get there.
One of these hard days came at week 5. We were in our routine and loving life. Decker had started being a little fussy in the evenings from gas pain. I thought part of the problem may be how he was eating. Nursing with a shield makes it really easy for the baby to come on and off. He was doing that a lot and sucking down extra air each time. Several moms I know had transitioned their babies off the shield after a few weeks, so I thought we could give that another try. (We tried at week 2 but were unsuccessful.) With a few more weeks under our belt, I thought he may be big enough to try it again.
In the beginning, things went relatively well. He was latching on his own with very little frustration and crying. He was also not coming off, which was great. I had a little bit of discomfort, but I figured that was normal while my body adjusted to things. Fast forward 24 hours, and I was in a lot of pain. Eight feedings later, I was counting down the minutes from start to finish and holding back tears. This definitely wasn't normal. After Googling it (what did new moms do before the internet!), I decided it was best to go back to the shield before things got any worse. (I will spare you the details.)
When we went back to the shield, though, our usual 20 to 30 minute sessions had now changed to a minimum of 40 minutes...sometimes 50. That may not sound like a big difference but when the baby feeds every two to three hours, that is a huge change! I now only had an hour or two (if I was lucky) for everything else.
I was discouraged because I thought we were moving forward and instead we seemed to be going in an entirely different direction. Was he getting enough? Had the shield taught him bad habits that would be impossible to break? Would my supply keep up if we can never transition? When am I supposed to do anything else but nurse this child?! All of those questions swirled around in my head over and over. Little things would happen, and I would think I had an answer. Then an hour or two later something would contradict that, and I would start questioning things all over again. It's a vicious cycle that truly never ends because 99.9% of the time there is no answer, and you just have to ride the waves.
I am blessed to have a great support system. Sisters and girlfriends I can text or call when I have questions or just need to vent. Even so, the hard days are difficult to get through. Stacy came down to watch Decker for an hour or so, so I could get a pedicure that week. I was feeling great after that! The time away had been rejuvenating. As I walked back to my car, though, I felt a sore, hard spot on my right side. I discribed it to Stacy, and she said it was likely a clogged duct. Sure enough, she was right. Cue the questions and worry all over again. Luckily it was short-lived...if there is such a thing in this alternate universe!
But even on the hard days, there are moments of joy. And how could there not be with this beautiful face staring back up at you? We will get this figured out together, Decker Gene. One way or another, we will get there.
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