Learning peace and patience
Well I never thought I would be writing this post. In fact, I have been planning a much different post in my head for several weeks now. When I started this blog, my goal was to document our life together. That's really easy to do with memories that you want to cherish and never forget. But when it gets the memories that you'd rather leave in the rear view, those aren't nearly as fun to share. However, they are still a part of our life, and I think God speaks more loudly when we need Him most, so I'll let you in on the struggle Kyle and I have been facing this last week.
In the beginning of June, Kyle and I stared down at a pregnancy test that read positive. We had finally decided we were ready to be parents, but for it to actually be happening was totally shocking to us. We were excited and at the same time a little freaked out about the big changes that were coming our way. I think that's pretty normal.
Nevertheless, we were eager to share the news with our families in the weeks that followed. The timing was perfect because everyone was together for once. They were super excited for us because, let's be honest, they've been waiting for 6 years to become grandparents and uncles and aunts. We had fun finding creative ways to share our good news with them.
In the beginning, I wasn't really having any pregnancy symptoms, so things still felt so surreal to me. As time went on, I felt more and more pregnant, which gave me some relief, but I was still counting down days to that first appointment. Other than family, we'd told our bosses, but we were waiting to spill the news to everyone until after we saw the doctor.
When July 1 rolled around, we were excited to get some confirmation that all was well. My doctor checked for a heartbeat first, but didn't hear anything. He didn't seem overly concerned because we were just 10 weeks. So we headed down the hall to have an ultrasound. He saw something but nothing that looked like a 10-week-old fetus, so he scheduled us for a hospital ultrasound since they have a better machine. The downside there was that we had to wait almost five hours. We both went back to work and tried to busy ourselves, but it was hard not to think about it.
When we got the hospital, they took us right back and did the ultrasound. The tech couldn't tell us anything, but she did confirm that there was no heartbeat. So at this point, we were fairly certain things weren't right. We went back to my doctor's office and he broke the news to us that we were having a miscarriage. In fact, he said we had something called a molar pregnancy, which he'd never seen before in 13 years of practice. So he made us an appointment with a specialist at OU for the very next day.
Dr. Moxley (the OU doc) confirmed that it was likely a molar pregnancy and they wanted to do a D&C as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, we were headed straight into a holiday weekend, so the earliest she could schedule the surgery was Monday afternoon.
That weekend was miserable for me. I tired to stay positive and upbeat but by Saturday, I was nauseated and basically confined to the living room couch. It was the 4th of July and Kyle was working all day. We had hoped to go to Ponca to celebrate with his family when he got off, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. So instead we watched the Stillwater fireworks from Kim and Trey's old driveway and called it a day. I felt a little better on Sunday, but I was relieved when Monday finally got here.
Kyle and his mom took me to Oklahoma City for the surgery on Monday. We checked in at 11:30 a.m. and didn't end up leaving until 7:45 p.m. The procedure only took about 45 minutes but we got a late start and then I had to stay in recovery longer than normal because I lost quite a bit of blood and they wanted to make sure I got plenty of fluids. Needless to say, it was a very long day for Kyle with nothing to do but wait. Fortunately, he had his mom and Tom to keep him company for most of that time.
Now that the procedure is done, I am just focusing on healing and getting back into the swing of things. Our friends and family have been so wonderful. Pretty much every day I would get a care package, card or flower delivery from people who were praying for us. That has meant so much to me. Through all of this, God has given me a sense of peace. Yes, we are extremely disappointed and wish our circumstances would have been different, but everything happens for a reason. God's plan for our life is so much better than what we could plan for ourselves, so we will try to be patient and wait for His timing.
Overall, this experience has taught me to be truly grateful for all of the wonderful things we have in our life. God has blessed us with so much, and as I sat in the waiting room at the Stephenson Cancer Center, I had a new appreciation for my health - something I take for granted on a daily basis. I may not understand fully why all of this is happening, but I trust that God will eventually work all things out for good.
If you are still reading, thank you so much for being a part of our lives and taking the time to hear about our struggles. Most people don't talk much about having a miscarriage, but I know it's extremely common, so if our experience can help anyone out there, we are happy to share it. It will be a while before we can try to get pregnant again, but I'll keep you guys updated when we have good news to share in that department. I know it's only a matter of time.
In the beginning of June, Kyle and I stared down at a pregnancy test that read positive. We had finally decided we were ready to be parents, but for it to actually be happening was totally shocking to us. We were excited and at the same time a little freaked out about the big changes that were coming our way. I think that's pretty normal.
Nevertheless, we were eager to share the news with our families in the weeks that followed. The timing was perfect because everyone was together for once. They were super excited for us because, let's be honest, they've been waiting for 6 years to become grandparents and uncles and aunts. We had fun finding creative ways to share our good news with them.
We told Kyle's family during an early Father's Day celebration and broke the news with this cookie cake.
8 weeks
9 weeks
When July 1 rolled around, we were excited to get some confirmation that all was well. My doctor checked for a heartbeat first, but didn't hear anything. He didn't seem overly concerned because we were just 10 weeks. So we headed down the hall to have an ultrasound. He saw something but nothing that looked like a 10-week-old fetus, so he scheduled us for a hospital ultrasound since they have a better machine. The downside there was that we had to wait almost five hours. We both went back to work and tried to busy ourselves, but it was hard not to think about it.
When we got the hospital, they took us right back and did the ultrasound. The tech couldn't tell us anything, but she did confirm that there was no heartbeat. So at this point, we were fairly certain things weren't right. We went back to my doctor's office and he broke the news to us that we were having a miscarriage. In fact, he said we had something called a molar pregnancy, which he'd never seen before in 13 years of practice. So he made us an appointment with a specialist at OU for the very next day.
Dr. Moxley (the OU doc) confirmed that it was likely a molar pregnancy and they wanted to do a D&C as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, we were headed straight into a holiday weekend, so the earliest she could schedule the surgery was Monday afternoon.
That weekend was miserable for me. I tired to stay positive and upbeat but by Saturday, I was nauseated and basically confined to the living room couch. It was the 4th of July and Kyle was working all day. We had hoped to go to Ponca to celebrate with his family when he got off, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. So instead we watched the Stillwater fireworks from Kim and Trey's old driveway and called it a day. I felt a little better on Sunday, but I was relieved when Monday finally got here.
I wouldn't have made it through the weekend without these two. They took great care of me.
Now that the procedure is done, I am just focusing on healing and getting back into the swing of things. Our friends and family have been so wonderful. Pretty much every day I would get a care package, card or flower delivery from people who were praying for us. That has meant so much to me. Through all of this, God has given me a sense of peace. Yes, we are extremely disappointed and wish our circumstances would have been different, but everything happens for a reason. God's plan for our life is so much better than what we could plan for ourselves, so we will try to be patient and wait for His timing.
Overall, this experience has taught me to be truly grateful for all of the wonderful things we have in our life. God has blessed us with so much, and as I sat in the waiting room at the Stephenson Cancer Center, I had a new appreciation for my health - something I take for granted on a daily basis. I may not understand fully why all of this is happening, but I trust that God will eventually work all things out for good.
If you are still reading, thank you so much for being a part of our lives and taking the time to hear about our struggles. Most people don't talk much about having a miscarriage, but I know it's extremely common, so if our experience can help anyone out there, we are happy to share it. It will be a while before we can try to get pregnant again, but I'll keep you guys updated when we have good news to share in that department. I know it's only a matter of time.
Hugs & more hugs Abbs! Healing prayers for you and your families!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Leesa! We appreciate it so much!
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