Pregnancy the second time around has been all together different than what I expected. You would think I would have learned by now not to put too much stock in my expectations, but that's a hard lesson to learn.:)
We found out we were pregnant on Memorial Day, which just so happened to be almost exactly a year after our first positive pregnancy test. Early pregnancy after a miscarriage is uncertain enough, but the timing of ours made it feel even more so. It reminded us of everything we had gone through last time, so we felt as if we were holding our breath until that first appointment. Fortunately, we got to go earlier this time! Our fist visit happened at six weeks. We didn't get to do an ultrasound or anything, the doctor just drew blood and confirmed my numbers were good. So we set an appointment at 11 weeks for our first ultrasound.
It felt like such a long wait. In the meantime, we told our families. Everyone was thrilled and so excited for us. It was great to have their support as we went in to take a peak at our little one. I was eager to share the news that all was well and everything looked good. Unfortunately, that appointment didn't go as expected. At 8 a.m. we arrived and chatted casually with the doctor while he tried to find a heartbeat. He'd told us we might not be able to hear anything so we shouldn't get too worried if he couldn't find it. Turns out, he couldn't, so we walked anxiously down the hall to the ultrasound room. Again, we chatted while he tried to find the baby. He went silent after what seemed like forever, and I finally asked, "Is there anything there?"
He responded in a much different tone and said that unfortunately, he didn't see anything. It looked to him as if I had already miscarried even though I hadn't experience anything abnormal. He told us their machine wasn't as sophisticated as the hospital's so he was going to get us in there and see if they could see more. He also shared with us how common miscarriages are and assured us that it didn't look like this was another molar pregnancy. But so far, it was EXACTLY the same as last time. So leaving there, we didn't have much hope.
At noon, we showed up at the hospital as instructed, but they didn't have an order from our doctor's office and they were closed for lunch. Our sweet registration lady offered to keep calling but suggested we go get some lunch as it would likely be at least an hour before she could check us in. We did as we were told, and at 1, we returned to the hospital. This time they were able to reach our doctor's office and get us checked in, but now, we were a "work in" and we were warned that the wait would be long.
Sitting in the same waiting room I came to weekly for 8-months-worth of blood draws was too familiar. As we waited, I tried to pray that everything would be alright, but my brain couldn't string together the words. I realized in that moment that what I wanted more than anything was for God's plan in this situation to come to fruition. I cried because I was scared about what that plan ultimately was. I had lots of doubts about whether we could handle whatever was coming, but at least I knew the past year wasn't for nothing. I had grown. This feeling was finally different. At the time this revelation didn't mean as much to me as it has looking back on it. In fact, it was soon overshadowed by frustration, as the clock ticked past 3:30, and we were still just waiting.
Kyle had taken multiple trips to the snack bar and gift shop and was reaching the end of his rope. I reminded him to be nice as he left to find a manager or SOMEONE who could do something for us. I don't know if he followed my advice, but whatever he said worked. We soon had someone calling for the Foxes. She was the ultrasound technician and through the tears, I told her it had been a very long day. She apologized and went right to work. Just a few seconds later, she let out a big sigh and said, "I am so glad I have good news for you today."
She turned the screen around and, clear as day, right in front of us, we could see our baby! She pointed out the heartbeat and started looking for specific things, taking pictures as she went. She said she would provide all of this to the doctor, but, as far as she could tell, everything looked normal and as it should be for 11 weeks.
I was so happy and relieved to finally have some good news. I looked over at Kyle almost in disbelief, and he was just kept shaking his head saying, "How do you not see that?!"
How did you tell Kyle? We read the test together. In fact, I think he is the one who told me!
Do you have any morning sickness? For the first few weeks, I didn't feel great and nothing sounded good to me, but I only threw up once or twice, so I consider myself very lucky in that regard!
Do you have any cravings? It changes day to day, but some things that I've wanted consistently that I don't normally eat include: jolly ranchers, hot tamales, corn dogs, dill pickles and cadillac queso (from Mexico Joe's)
Do you have any food aversions? Not really.
When did you start wearing maternity clothes? I bought a belly band at 3 1/2 months and used that until I got some maternity clothes a few weeks later.
Have you felt any kicks yet? I started feeling movements at 18 weeks and it was so surreal!
What are you most excited about? Meeting our little miracle.